Thursday, September 2, 2010

I Forget How to Say “I Don’t Think This Is Going to Work” in French

I have a new aspiring suitor - who just barely speaks English. He picked me up outside of my/our neighborhood grocery store a couple of weeks ago. I first ran into him when he had been standing immediately in front of me in the check-out line. When I later exited the store, there were a couple of tied-up dogs waiting for their owner outside and I’ve never met an animal I didn’t want to pet.

While I was messing around with my mixed-breed darlings, the check-out line guy re-emerged out of nowhere - he suddenly appeared in front of me and asked why so many American women like to approach dogs that don’t belong to them. I’ve never been able to understand people who aren’t gaga over dogs and cats and, as we stood out in the rain, I explained why nothing beats the love and energy of household pets, whether they’re in or outside of a household at the time you happen to greet them.

What started off as my stirring monologue turned into quite a dialogue – the kind of conversation where you just seamlessly (but opinionatedly) segue from topic to unrelated topic, and then you happen to look at your watch to see that 20 minutes have passed. At the end of the banter, he asked whether we could get together sometime so I could help him with his English. In general, he was so decent that I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to the effect of: “Hells no. You don’t pet dogs and I can only reliably piece together approximately 60% of what you say,” so I gave him my business card, thinking that he might accidentally drop it in one of the puddles that this light cloudburst was producing. But the next morning there was a large-fonted, two-sentence e-mail from him waiting in my inbox.

Excluding the language barrier and what sounds like his financial volatility, he has the faint makings of being a catch. He’s bright, good-looking, tech-savvy, and has boundless reserves of energy. But he’s not an animal-lover and I have a feeling that he doesn’t drink (and I can’t decide which of the two deficiencies is worse).

Last week, he touched base with my cell phone more times than is socially acceptable, especially considering that I wasn’t calling him back after each call. When I did finally return the string of outreaches, he was given the “I’m so damn busy” drill; he then understandingly reminded me that we still have to meet back up, at which point I brought out the “busy” card again. The next morning, he text-wished me a good day. There’s a tenacity about this fellow, suggesting that it could take weeks, possibly even months, for him to get the hint.

Tunneling myself out of this one should be a blast. He’s got potential – for someone. I’m on the prowl for a good match for him. Please hit me up at rovingretorter@gmail.com if you have any (French-speaking, New York- or New Jersey-based, indifferent-to-animals) leads.

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