This past week, I learned (via e-mail) that I’ve been awarded an Honorable Mention in a humor writing competition – and it was for the April 12, 2010 blog posting about my super, entitled Pandemics, Pigs, and Peasants. Although I was sent a “free, easy-to use publicity kit” that will allow me to “announce [my] achievement to [my] favorite news and entertainment media,” I didn’t win any money, and it looks like there were at least 22 people ahead of me – so I’ve essentially come in 23rd place. I just finished reading several of the higher-ranked essays, all of which I found about as humorous as how it felt to 3rd-degree burn my foot last year. And the judges thought every single one of those people was funnier than me.
For all I know, some kind of honorary acknowledgment label was bestowed upon every entrant. It’s probably just like the horseback riding camp I went to as a teenager where, at the end of the two weeks, each camper was presented with an (unlaminated) certificate that had a different arbitrary superlative scribbled onto it in barely-legible cursive handwriting – “Best Curry-Comb Groomer,” “Quickest Dismounter,” “Least Likely to Get Thrown.” My best friend walked away with the “Best Bather” award.
Nevertheless, an honorable mention is a welcome change of pace from all of the dishonorable ones I’ve managed to rack up over the course of my checkered past. You don’t hear enough about honor these days.
Most importantly, this online humor website has now (for a limited time only) published something of mine - to the left of a blue, “Honorable Mention” cyber-ribbon - so I can add this clip to my published writing portfolio (I think). Most creative writers spend years pulling 3-sentence rejection letters out of the mailbox, so I’ll take all the congratulations and atta-girls I can get – even the bullshit ones. Bullshit and I are old, dear friends who will grow old together.
I would like to honorably mention that I won’t let this tribute go to waste. This Awards Committee has created a monster - I’m taking my new publicity kit and running with it.
Land of milk and honey
7 hours ago