Sunday, August 28, 2011

Alarmageddon

Six months ago, I sent an e-mail to a local yarn store asking for details about its crocheting classes. No one ever got back to me, and I completely forgot about both the existence of this store and my interest in crocheting until Friday afternoon when I got this e-mail:

Impromptu Hurricane SALE!!!!!
Wouldn't waiting out the hurricane be so much more fun with a new project?
Just come in Friday or Saturday and sing a few bars of "Come on Irene"
(sung to the tune of "Come on Eileen") and you will get 10% off of all of your yarn!


I take meteorologists about as seriously as I took the Bush administration. Whenever I need a reliable weather update, I study the sky, sniff the air, and make my own experience-based judgment calls. But this week’s Doppler Radar-driven pre-hurricane coverage managed to catch even my attention, from the astronauts weighing in on how horrific the storm looked from outer space to last night’s panic-stricken, poncho-flapping, southern Queens-stationed newscasters carrying on as though they were reporting live from Benghazi.

This weekend’s grocery store lines were longer than the ones outside of most downtown clubs. I made a long list of sale-priced items to buy, but half of what I wanted was gone by the time I arrived on the scene. I had to quickly grab boxes of generic-brand seasoned cornbread stuffing mix and whatever else was left.

The line at the wine shop looked even worse. So I went around the corner to a liquor store, which hosts an entirely different clientele. I was one of the only customers wearing something other than a threadbare white undershirt. Someone stumbling around behind me genuinely didn’t know a hurricane was coming. When I apologized to the white undershirt I bumped into on the way out, I was slowly and hoarsely told that I could rub up against him anytime.

After I was all stocked and shaken up, my main concerns were: a power outage that would interfere with tonight’s Real Housewives of New Jersey episode; and just the very idea of a sudden evacuation order. I’m not public-shelter material.

When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining and the rain was gone. That’s not what the Accu Track Radar experts said I would wake up to.

In any event, I have 3 days worth of food and filtered water. Although it’s a little too salty, the seasoned cornbread stuffing isn’t half bad. It feels like the day after Thanksgiving.

5 comments:

  1. After all the hype, preparation, disruption and ruined weekend plans, don't you find yourself harboring the teensiest depraved longing to see some damage, some display of nature's raw power? Some trees collapsed on a meteorologist's house perhaps?

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  2. LOVE this one, Kadzi! I was reading it aloud to Ali this morning and we were both cracking up over it. She's going to be living with us for awhile, and says to tell you that she always reads and enjoys your posts even though she hasn't posted comments.

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  3. My family and I in NYC fared very well: no local flooding and no loss of services. However, I just spoke to my brother and his family in Annapolis, Maryland. They have no water, no electricity, no phone service. Their living room is ruined with water damage. Their trees did not get uprooted, but branches broke off. They are conducting their lives and his business out of a coffee shop five miles away from their house, a coffee shop that lucked out by retaining its water and services. (Over 800,000 houses are without services in my brother's area.) Then they return to their house and get by with flash lights and bottled water.
    I'm really happy we were luckier here in NYC.

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  4. I little secret on the corn bread mix...I always added sugar, cinnamon and butter or oil. Just perfect! Glad to know Irene did not disturb you much.

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  5. I'm with Noury - great to read that Irene left you unphased...you are much like your little buddy here. He spent his evenings acting out "Toy Story 2" with his toys instead of watching it...nothing was more entertaining to us than that. Made almost 3 days without power a breeze. :o)

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