Friday, November 11, 2011

A Sorry Séance

Scheduling tip: don’t ever meet with a medium immediately before you have to clock in at work. It will emotionally hijack the rest of your day.

I’d been advised to bring in 15-20 questions, hard-copy photos of the spirits I wanted to channel, and an object I usually carry with me that represents my energy. Ninety-nine percent of my photos of the 3 spirits I wanted to channel are stored away in my childhood bedroom. I knew my dad wouldn’t rifle through those stacks of old albums and overnight mail me an envelope full of choice pics. Especially if I told him what I’d be using them for.

I managed to find one photo of my late favorite uncle. It’s a picture of just the 2 of us, taken almost 10 years ago. It’s the worst picture I’ve ever seen of me. I look like I’m about to be dropped off at rehab (and not one of the better rehab facilities). “Your uncle’s the one on the right or on the left?,” I was asked.

As bullshit would have it, I never needed to show her this truly blackmail-caliber picture - my uncle declined to take part in the morning meeting. “As I told you on the phone, just because you invite the spirits, it doesn’t mean they’ll come,” the medium said, right before relaying that the other 2 spirits she channeled made brief appearances at the outset of the session. Then they just up and left.

I bet they were all livid (but also amused) with me for spending money this way. Some ghosts say BOO. Mine say BOO-YAH!


  1. You have so much comedy in your life! I love reading your interpretations of what happens to you. Seance session? It sounds like you went to visit with a clown. Girlfriend, if you want to talk to the death, just talk to them anywhere. They are all around us all the time. No charge applies. That's what I do. If you want an answer to a big question, just ask, and it will be answered in the most unusual manner, but you have to be able to be alert. It may not be the answer you may want to hear. Ta ta.

  2. This visit sounded interesting, but I'm thinking a handwriting analyst might offer more concrete information--maybe not on the departed, but yes on the self. The one time I had handwriting analysis, I really felt I got my "money's worth." And, yes, the lady said some things I would rather not have heard, but insightful? Oh, yes.

  3. If I had known you had this was on your agenda I might have been able to spare you the drama and save your hard-earned cash. Quacks abound left and right,and when it comes right down to it the most important answers we seek are right there in us to begin with. Search no further, you are your own best remedy.