Six months ago, I sent an e-mail to a local yarn store asking for details about its crocheting classes. No one ever got back to me, and I completely forgot about both the existence of this store and my interest in crocheting until Friday afternoon when I got this e-mail:
Impromptu Hurricane SALE!!!!!
Wouldn't waiting out the hurricane be so much more fun with a new project?
Just come in Friday or Saturday and sing a few bars of "Come on Irene"
(sung to the tune of "Come on Eileen") and you will get 10% off of all of your yarn!
I take meteorologists about as seriously as I took the Bush administration. Whenever I need a reliable weather update, I study the sky, sniff the air, and make my own experience-based judgment calls. But this week’s Doppler Radar-driven pre-hurricane coverage managed to catch even my attention, from the astronauts weighing in on how horrific the storm looked from outer space to last night’s panic-stricken, poncho-flapping, southern Queens-stationed newscasters carrying on as though they were reporting live from Benghazi.
This weekend’s grocery store lines were longer than the ones outside of most downtown clubs. I made a long list of sale-priced items to buy, but half of what I wanted was gone by the time I arrived on the scene. I had to quickly grab boxes of generic-brand seasoned cornbread stuffing mix and whatever else was left.
The line at the wine shop looked even worse. So I went around the corner to a liquor store, which hosts an entirely different clientele. I was one of the only customers wearing something other than a threadbare white undershirt. Someone stumbling around behind me genuinely didn’t know a hurricane was coming. When I apologized to the white undershirt I bumped into on the way out, I was slowly and hoarsely told that I could rub up against him anytime.
After I was all stocked and shaken up, my main concerns were: a power outage that would interfere with tonight’s Real Housewives of New Jersey episode; and just the very idea of a sudden evacuation order. I’m not public-shelter material.
When I woke up this morning, the sun was shining and the rain was gone. That’s not what the Accu Track Radar experts said I would wake up to.
In any event, I have 3 days worth of food and filtered water. Although it’s a little too salty, the seasoned cornbread stuffing isn’t half bad. It feels like the day after Thanksgiving.
Dear Santa . . .
5 days ago