My first follower came fast. I don’t know how she found me, I’ve never heard of her, and the only tweet she’s posted has been: “I will fucking destroy you.” Who’s she talking to? The silly geese who type the biggest games on their keypads usually have dramatically different personas when they meet you eye to eye.
Three people in my camp are on Twitter and they hardly use it. I followed them and told them to follow me. They said OK but haven’t yet. One may have forgotten her log-in info.
The destroyer has already unfollowed me. Who needs her? Me! Because now I have 0 followers and destruction is not what I’m in this for. I’m social media’s Statue of Liberty – give me your tired, your trifling, your whackjobs, your befuddled masses. 0 followers is an all-day pass to nowhere. Look at me, over here in the corner, tweeting myself.
A new follower has replaced the destroyer. “This one’s for her.” That’s what I say every time I press the “Tweet” button.
With one of my besties now on board, I’m up to 2 followers. Major, dizzying, adrenaline rush. What should I tweet my public next? Levity or gravity?
[Later in the day]: The destroyer’s replacement has unfollowed me too. It’s currently just me and my homegirl. She would never leave me - and is the one who lured me to LinkedIn, so this is the least she could do.
Days 5, 6, and now 7:
I’m not having trouble adjusting to Twitter. Twitter’s having trouble adjusting to me, although it’s entirely possible that my audience will blow up into the double digits by the close of the month. I care more about finishing with a bang than starting off with one.