Monday, March 18, 2013

My First Week on Twitter

After a very professionally accomplished loved one declared my not being on LinkedIn as “weird,” I got with that program two months ago. One thing led to another and I joined Twitter last week.

Day 1:
My first follower came fast. I don’t know how she found me, I’ve never heard of her, and the only tweet she’s posted has been: “I will fucking destroy you.” Who’s she talking to?  The silly geese who type the biggest games on their keypads usually have dramatically different personas when they meet you eye to eye.

Three people in my camp are on Twitter and they hardly use it. I followed them and told them to follow me. They said OK but haven’t yet. One may have forgotten her log-in info.

Day 2:
The destroyer has already unfollowed me. Who needs her? Me! Because now I have 0 followers and destruction is not what I’m in this for. I’m social media’s Statue of Liberty – give me your tired, your trifling, your whackjobs, your befuddled masses. 0 followers is an all-day pass to nowhere. Look at me, over here in the corner, tweeting myself.

Day 3:
A new follower has replaced the destroyer. “This one’s for her.” That’s what I say every time I press the “Tweet” button.  

Day 4:
With one of my besties now on board, I’m up to 2 followers. Major, dizzying, adrenaline rush. What should I tweet my public next? Levity or gravity? 

[Later in the day]: The destroyer’s replacement has unfollowed me too. It’s currently just me and my homegirl. She would never leave me - and is the one who lured me to LinkedIn, so this is the least she could do.

Days 5, 6, and now 7:
I’m not having trouble adjusting to Twitter. Twitter’s having trouble adjusting to me, although it’s entirely possible that my audience will blow up into the double digits by the close of the month. I care more about finishing with a bang than starting off with one. 


  1. There have always been whack jobs out there but using social media(s) makes it easier to find YOU. They come and go as my daughter has informed me. She had a blog for a couple of years and then published some of her more mirthful experiences into a book. If they can't appreciate who you are then they are the ones who will lose out.

  2. I always have porn stars following and unfollowing me. Whatever. I do like Facebook more though - I find it more interactive and less alienating for some reason.

  3. I literally L.O.L. when I read about your first follower!!! That is too funny! I am seriously still laughing. I recently joined Twitter and deactivated my Facebook. I laugh when I lose followers and think, "if I lost real friends as quickly as I lose Twitter followers, I'd be screwed." I think I'm doing a little better now. Thanks for the laugh! Andrea visiting from SITS.

  4. This posting is hilarious! I am not on Twitter, and I do not really understand it. However, my husband, who wrote a children's book on Mrs. Santa Claus (renamed "Santa Christina")and her sled dogs (who are helping her help Santa with delivery of toys--flying through the sky) has started on it. Because of the dog theme, my husband has picked up dog lovers and mushers as his followers. We've actually been learning a lot about dogs from the followers, and, fortunately, the followers don't seem to be interested in killing off my husband. (If you're interested, the book is "Santa Christina and Her Sled Dogs" by George William Kelly, with illustrations by Amy E. Cameron; published by Alaskan publishers McRoy and Blackburn; available on

  5. Oh my gosh, this is so funny! I've been trying to Tweet to promote my website but I JUST DON'T GET IT. Everyone says you have to do it but it seems mindless and silly to me. The only way I don't forget my password is because it's pinned to my phone. If I someday got logged off, I would be out of luck.

    Speaking of followers, I have your blog listed on my sidebar but I just realized that I never officially "followed" you. Done! :-)