Monday, July 8, 2013

Showered with Complements

One of my besties was in town all weekend. Between the undercover drug bust we passed within the early minutes of our reunion, the insultingly high daytime temperatures, the breezy middle-of-the-night walks home, or his comparing a standing-room-only Staten Island Ferry ride to being on a slave ship, I’m having trouble deciding which moments of the past few days were the most iconic.

He’s not someone who will wake up on work-free mornings, map out the rest of his day, and consult his watch to make sure he stays on schedule with the general plan. The subtle influence he’s gradually had on me is one reason I’ve grown more spontaneous.

My small group of besties, only one of whom currently lives in my metro area, and I are 100 percent alike and 0 percent alike. We’re alike where it matters.When another friend and I were stuck in L.A. traffic last summer, she mentioned that if she were to first meet her childhood best friend today, they probably wouldn’t have much longevity. Same with me and my oldest platonic soulmate, but she and I both put in the work it takes and show the respect it requires for any relationship involving opposite operational tendencies to last.

There’s a well-known quote or concept about how we become like the 5 people we spend the most time with. Sounds like it’s meant to apply to those we spend the most in-person, quantitative time with. Or it could be open to interpretation. 


  1. This posting really made me think about the "lost" friends of my youth. None of them live in my area, and it is unlikely that we will ever spend much time together again. Oh, we might meet at a high school or college reunion and have a few drinks over a weekend, but we are never going to be part of one another's lives again. I feel as if this should make me sad, but for some reason it does not. probably because I have made some really lovely friends in adulthood.

    Interestingly, my daughter, age 28, is having the opposite experience. She still retains a lot of her "besties" going back to kindergarten because she and they were in the same school, kindergarten through high school senior. While they scattered for college, the childhood/youthful bonds have endured. This last year she went camping near West Point with a group of them, and they got lost in the woods. Eventually cell phones and park rangers got them back into civilization. She said she learned two things from this experience: 1) that, yes, there are still bears and snakes in the woods in upstate New York, and 2) that just because you have known someone since kindergarten, it does not mean you should assume they know what they are doing when they go charging forward into the woods, calling out, "Just follow me!"

  2. I wonder if on-line people count towards the five one spends the most time with?

  3. I find there are friends you haven't seen for awhile and within 5 minutes it's like you haven't missed a day. Then there are friends that just drift away. I so treasure the ones where we can pick up without a beat.

  4. Ah, the beauty and joy of being with old friends. Nothing like it in the world.