Monday, November 4, 2013

Try Walking a Mile in My Mary Janes

It’s fair to say I’ve spent a good deal of time thinking about how I’d answer: “If a genie granted you three wishes, what would you ask for?” (I used to watch and read a lot of Aladdin- and Arabian Nights-related material.) Lower alcohol tolerance and at least one mob connection have long served as my first two wishes. I’ve gone back and forth with #3, but now I’ve got it: I’ll take two same-sized feet.

My feet aren’t even a simple, solid half an inch apart. They’re probably more like two-fifths or three-sevenths of an inch apart, or different widths, or whatever it means when one shoe is too tight while the other is too big, or when both shoes are too tight or too big but in completely different places. It’s why I rarely walk long distances in anything other than sneakers or Nike flip-flops (which are sneakers with a thong, have excellent traction, and won’t get nasty or squeaky in the rain) – they don’t hurt or require any painful “breaking in” trials that hardly end well. Like many women, I own more than a dozen pairs of shoes. All because when I buy a new pair it’s hit or miss, even if they feel OK in the store. Since it’s mostly a miss, at any given time I only have one pair of non-athletic shoes I can briskly walk more than 20 minutes in without blistering or cutting up my feet. At the office, I have a drawer full of nice shoes. They’re for wearing around the office. At home, I have a closet floor lined with shoes. A third of them are for in-home use or special occasions, after commuting to the special occasion in sneakers or flip-flops.  

I’ve seen a cobbler. I’ve ponied up for drugstore products designed to close gaps or ease chafing. Nothing helps for long. Shoes hate me, I hate shoes; the barer the feet, the closer to the glow of my nail polish I’ll be. 


  1. Sounds like the third wish could just as easily be the money to have your shoes hand-made. Just imagine that - shoes made to order like in the 'good old days'. How cool would that be.
    (I love the idea of a mob connection as one of your wishes.)

  2. You should move to a country where it's summer for 360 days of the year and you can wear flip flops all year round :)

  3. Oh, Roving Retorter, I am identifying like crazy with the shoe thing. My left foot is a solid size longer--and much more slender--than my right foot. Each foot has a mind of its own. I've often thought I should resort to buying two pairs of the same shoe in order to have one shoe to favor the left foot and one show to favor the right foot. But I cannot afford it. There is a brand that has been helpful, especially with summer sandals: SAS is the brand. Originally they made nurses' shoes (now THERE'S a foot-suffering profession!) and then decided to go into the general commercial market. But lately, as my age increases and along with it both by waistline and my foot size, even SAS has been a little too constrictive. I sometimes wonder how the Roman foot soldiers got along as they walked from Rome to other countries. I suppose they took cobblers with them on the march. They wore sandals (at least that's what I see in the movies) but surely they had problems like plantar fascitis, etc. Napoleon said: An army marches on its stomach. But that's leaving out the poor feet!

  4. Maybe you SHOULD break out those clogs...